I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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