he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize