I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
