so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Four minutes until I can fart!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
