Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
