I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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