I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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