i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
