I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
