So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
