i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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