she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The uberlube is also flammable
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
