Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
