what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
