It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He has the fingertips of a God
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize