i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
