I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
