You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
