dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
