White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
