His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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