i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize