I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
