grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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