ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
