We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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