he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
