what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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