if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Umm I'm too high to move.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
