He uses pillows to masturbate.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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