Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
