called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
