Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
