I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
