my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
