What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
