I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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