In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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