There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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