So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
