All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
