These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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