people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
