all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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