If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
