Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize