is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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