Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
