the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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