you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
