So drunk its hurt
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
