how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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