it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
