Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
