Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
