You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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