dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
