OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it was like having sex with a tree stump
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
