obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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