the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
