I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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