I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
