After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
