I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry about my life...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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