yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
