New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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