i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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