Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize