Non-Jews are for practice
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
