I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
