Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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