Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
