I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's blow job season.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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