The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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