this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize